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A gentle and quiet spirit? Who, me?

This morning in my devotions, I was writing out a couple of verses in 1 Peter in my Journible.  I came to these verses: "Do not let your adorning be external - the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear - but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." (1 Peter 3:3,4, ESV)

I don't often struggle with being preoccupied with my clothes or hair or jewelry. But that does not mean that I read this verse and said, "well, I've got this one down!"  Quite the opposite, in fact.  The second part of this verse was quite convicting.  A gentle and quiet spirit I am NOT.

There are a lot of times when I think it is just because of this exhortation that I was given the blessing (yes, I am trying to think of it as a blessing rather than a curse - not always successful with this, but it's a work in progress....) of type 1 diabetes.  More than anything else in my life, diabetes has tested my ability to keep a quiet spirit.  Even as I write this blog, there is a war going on in my heart.  My blood sugar is sitting right around 225 (which for those of you who never  have to worry about these things, is HIGH) for no reason I can figure out.  I did everything I am supposed to this morning, and this is what I got. 

My spirit is in turmoil as a result.  I want to rant and rave and blame something and to feel sorry for myself and DO something about this situation that will FIX my blood sugar. There is a war going on in my heart for my allegiance.  I want control.  I want resolution.  And yet.......

I am pretty sure what God wants me to do is to sit here and trust Him that He has all things in His control, and that He has equipped me to deal with this challenge, and that I can do so with His help and His quieting of my spirit.  While I am called to be a good steward of my body, and so I will not ignore the high blood sugar, I have a higher calling to adorn myself with a gentle and quiet spirit. This is precious in God's sight.

Now I know that this verse is set in a larger context of how we are to honor our husbands. But I do believe that this calling to a quiet spirit has to do with my whole life, not just how I relate to Dennis.

So I will fight the battle with God's help and His full armor (see Ephesians 6:10-20) to win a gentle and quiet spirit in this present circumstance. Later today, or tomorrow or next week, there will be another battle.  I see progress as I look back at the battlefield.  But there is much left to be done. 

To God be the glory for His gracious mercy and peace.